My Path to Motherhood, Part 6: The Pregnancy

Each trimester of pregnancy was its own adventure.

Looking back, it makes sense that pregnancy would feel like a journey from start to finish because it’s 9+ months of your life! 

At the start of pregnancy, I felt fatigue and nausea. I’d heard of morning sickness, but not to this extent.

I felt nauseous most of the time and learned that I needed to eat soon after waking to avoid feeling the brunt of it. I wanted all childhood ‘comfort foods’: mac & cheese, peanut butter & jelly, bagel & cream cheese. I wanted carbs and I followed these cravings (as much as they didn’t align with my pre-pregnancy values) because otherwise, I felt terrible. Although, when I would eat these items too much, I also felt pretty terrible, so I learned over time to balance the carbs with veggies. The smell or thought of food was nauseating for a couple of months, so Andrew did more of the cooking. 

I slept a lot in these beginning weeks because I was tired, but I also felt less nauseous when I was lying down. I started a new job one month into the pregnancy and was really nervous that I wouldn’t be productive or creative enough. I also didn’t want to disclose that I was pregnant quite yet, so I wouldn’t be able to communicate ‘why’ I was feeling sick often. Thankfully, I got into a groove as I started the new job and understood better what I needed to do to ensure that I could work.

In trimester two, the nausea receded and I felt more energized. The struggle here was mainly in doing too much.

I wanted to get everything done before the baby arrived, to tie up all loose ends as much as possible before my life changed drastically and I wouldn’t have the time. Around the same time, I felt burnt out from all the doing and teaching yoga began to feel like a chore. I took the month of December off from teaching yoga or thinking about what would come next for The Song Within Yoga.

At the start of the year, Andrew started an adjunct teaching position at a community college, so a lot of his free time was spent preparing for lectures. I decided to stop teaching yoga weekly after the break I took in December and leaned on hope and trust that I’d return to it in the future.

Because I was trying to check everything off the to-do list, work was really busy, Andrew was juggling two jobs, and we were preparing for baby, I felt really stressed and burnt out. As we rounded the corner to trimester three, I gained a shift in perspective that the stress from all the doing was not good for me or baby and that I would need to let go of responsibility. I started to delete things from my to-do list that were just not a priority for me and that felt really freeing.

At the start of trimester three, I joined a six-week series of 2x per week exercise classes for pregnant women, I attended a weekly Kundalini yoga class, I started craving longer walks with Luna, and I met with a nutritionist who recommended I increase my protein intake. During this time, I noticed a decrease in stress, less physical pain, and more energy. 

As I inch closer to my due date, baby is growing and I’m feeling more uncomfortable. A visit to the chiropractor or massage seems to put everything back in place and relieves pain. Hormones have made emotions more intense. I struggle with surges of intense anxiety that leave me feeling exhausted. I continue to try to keep moving, sleeping, and drinking lots of water. 

We’re at a point where this baby could arrive at any moment and that uncertainty is challenging. I like to plan and be prepared and this is a situation where I have no control. I’m continuing to finish up as many tasks as possible, but this baby will arrive when it's ready and everything else will fall into place.